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Author Topic: Really need some advice  (Read 1890 times)

Offline Byakko

Really need some advice
«: March 02, 2009, 10:01:00 AM»
Ok, this is actually pretty awkward to ask and I just want everyone to know that I understand how serious an accusation this is...but there's something that's been on my mind and I really need some advice.

What do you do if you think someone is a pedophile?

I won't name names or go into detail...but what would you do if you had a really good idea that someone was a predator? I'm talking... a really strong gut feeling, witnessing a lot of suspecious activity... a bunch of of situations where you raise your eyebrow and wonder...

I don't live in the states and I'm an adult now, so my concerns are not towards myself but towards other people who are underaged and who I fear might become victims in the near future. I really want to stress the fact that this isn't a hoax...I honestly think that this person is dangerous but I don't know what to do about it. I'm not a criminal mind analyst or anything like that and I guess it really isn't my place to say anything... but shouldn't it be? Morally, shouldn't I be responsible? If something happens, and I didn't at least ask...I would be partly to blame.

This isn't for revenge, I'm not being targetted by said person but I'm really, really concerned about it. Could anyone give me some advice? Should I report it? Is there someone on furc or elsewhere that this should be reported to? Should I just cast all doubts aside instead of turning what could be nothing into something extremely serious?

I honestly don't know where to go from here.

(Erh, sorry if this is the wrong section of the forums for this...I opted for this section because it has nothing to do with alt trades or scams or anything of the sort).


Offline Schwarz

Really need some advice
«Reply #1: March 02, 2009, 11:48:37 AM»
Are you talking about someone on Furc, or irl?

In either case, you can't jump to any conclusions without proof. If it's someone irl, that can be trickier since they usually don't attack kids in public. You can search through predator awareness sites for common signs that a person might be a pedophile. If the person seems to fit the description, you can quietly express your concerns to someone without outright accusing the person. Like if it's someone you work with, tell their superior. Someone at school, tell a teacher or counselor.

If it's a Furc problem, it's as easy as taking screenshots & keeping logs of the person acting inappropriately toward young players. Of course they may not be a pedophile; it's way too easy online for people to fake their ages or just be completely oblivious to how old a person is. In which case, you can try calmly pointing out that the person is underage & see how they respond. But, obviously, if someone blatantly says "I'm 12 years old" & this person (who I'm assuming is much older) continues to speak & act inappropriately towards them, screenshot the conversation & send it to the guardians. &, if it makes you feel better, tell the kid how to put him/her on ignore so they don't have to deal with them anymore.

Offline Byakko

Really need some advice
«Reply #2: March 02, 2009, 11:59:45 AM»
It's someone on furc. I do have a few logs but of course it's hard to prove someone is acting innapropriately towards younger people when they suddenly claim they're young too.

Thank you so very much for the advice. I'll start screenshotting if I see any more suspecious activity.

Lovedoll

Really need some advice
«Reply #3: March 02, 2009, 12:13:47 PM»
I second Wicked. If you collect some data and send an email to the Guardians it will be looked into. They aren't responsible for the actions of other users, but if given sufficient proof they will deal with the reported person accordingly. :)

Vince

Really need some advice
«Reply #4: March 02, 2009, 12:37:03 PM»
jeez i mean like... i joke about me being a pedophile all the time.

Offline Byakko

Really need some advice
«Reply #5: March 02, 2009, 12:58:57 PM»
Thanks guys. I'll do that. : )


Quote from: "Rorschach"
jeez i mean like... i joke about me being a pedophile all the time.


Aye, a lot of people joke around about things like that... but this person isn't making jokes about it. It's his behavior that seems to fit the profile. He's never outright said anything, but the way he acts just rings warning bells all over.

Offline Narnia

Really need some advice
«Reply #6: March 02, 2009, 01:23:06 PM»
FYI, DEP takes pedophiles seriously. If someone is suspected of engaging in such activities DEP will notify the authorities.
"The views expressed in this message are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the Furcadia Alt Market, Dragon's Eye Production, or Furcadia."

Vince

Really need some advice
«Reply #7: March 02, 2009, 03:12:05 PM»
Quote from: "Byakko"
Quote from: "Rorschach"
jeez i mean like... i joke about me being a pedophile all the time.


Aye, a lot of people joke around about things like that... but this person isn't making jokes about it. It's his behavior that seems to fit the profile. He's never outright said anything, but the way he acts just rings warning bells all over.


OIC hm are there like.. any specific examples? like Accused Person says/comments to Person A and B?

Offline Byakko

Really need some advice
«Reply #8: March 02, 2009, 03:59:17 PM»
Quote from: "Rorschach"

OIC hm are there like.. any specific examples? like Accused Person says/comments to Person A and B?


I'd rather not give any specifics because said person does not know who he/she is and an example would clue them in. Unless they actually are a pedophile... I don't think anyone I know would think I'm refering to them, y'know?

Let's just say that since I'm an adult, there are a LOT of lines I wouldn't cross when it comes to teens and kids and he USED to be an adult -cough cough- and there are a lot of lines he's crossed.

Of course he's no longer an adult now...

Offline LSD

Really need some advice
«Reply #9: March 02, 2009, 04:57:15 PM»
pedophiles in real life get tracked down by the fbi and have their computers seized for investigation.

furc's prone to be home to this sort of character, not gonna lie. as in personality not just an ic reference. :lol: i'd say you only need to worry when it escalates to things ooc that are happening.
alts in thread, quitting


Sorbet

Really need some advice
«Reply #10: March 03, 2009, 06:31:00 AM»
I was having a _very_ similar problem, but when I asked what to do about it (after I had already reported it to the National Center of Missing and Exploited Children), everyone got on my case and told me "I was just overreacting".
So I can't really give any advice.

Lovedoll

Really need some advice
«Reply #11: March 03, 2009, 07:30:55 AM»
Quote from: "Sorbet"
I was having a _very_ similar problem, but when I asked what to do about it (after I had already reported it to the National Center of Missing and Exploited Children), everyone got on my case and told me "I was just overreacting".
So I can't really give any advice.


Lol, that's because you were overreacting and threw blind accusations around without proof. Besides that, the 'underage girl' that was being targeted was already 15 and closing in on 16 I believe. That's not a case of an innocent, defenseless child of 11 years old who doesn't know any better yet, but just you being sour over a friendship gone bad. So your situation can hardly be compared to this.

Byakko sounds like they have a lot more solid proof of an actual adult talking about adult subjects to children, not teenagers only a stone's throw away from being a legal adult. If they collect the proper logs all they need to do is present that proof to DEP and they will take all actions necessary to have it investigated and remove that particular user from Furcadia.

Offline Eevee

Really need some advice
«Reply #12: March 03, 2009, 10:35:06 AM»
Avary, last month two teen boys, aged 16 and 17, were charged for possession of child pornography because a few girls around 14-15 willingly took nudes of themselves and sent the pics to these boys' phones.

Their records will have "pedophile" labeled on them for quite some while which will affect their future when they apply for a job.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28679588/

In the United States, any person under the age of 18 is legally considered a minor, despite how close to turning 18 they are. If someone who is legally an adult(18+) is doing something sexual with a minor, again, despite how close to turning 18 they are, and they are caught, they can and more than likely WILL be labeled a pedophile and be charged as such.

Offline Byakko

Really need some advice
«Reply #13: March 03, 2009, 10:48:44 AM»
Quote from: "Eevee"
Avary, last month two teen boys, aged 16 and 17, were charged for possession of child pornography because a few girls around 14-15 willingly took nudes of themselves and sent the pics to these boys' phones.


That is so sick. I feel really old saying this but...seriously, teens these days are really reckless. Why on earth would you take a nude photo of yourself like that? When you put it "out there", it's out there forever. Who knows how many perverts now have those nude photos on their computers.

When I was growing up, there's no way I would have sent even a fully clothed picture of myself online, let alone one revealing myself. Have youth these days just not been tought to be safe? It is NOT ok that people are preying on them in either case, but what happened to being safe? People are exchanging phone numbers within a week of knowing one another online... that strikes me as extremely abnormal. It took me about 4 years before I was willing to call one of my buddies when growing up.

I remember being 11 and having getting huge suspecious wibes whenever someone asked me what city I lived in...so a phone number? No way. They did a test once with the police and a little girl. All it took was her school name and the girl's uniform number (she played soccer I think?) for a "predator" (who was actually a cop) to find her. Aren't the parents doing anything about this?

I don't think I'm THAT old (I'm 21), so what happened to common sense in the past few years?

Offline Eevee

Really need some advice
«Reply #14: March 03, 2009, 10:58:11 AM»
Common sense stopped happening when parents stopped caring about their kids. From what I've witnessed since growing up, alot of kids' parents are either too busy with work or out partying to cook their kids food, make sure they're doing good in school, and teach them important things like online safety and safe sex.  That's partially why there's more teen mothers now.

I don't know all the details about your situation, but if you have the power to control who hangs around this child, then use that power and tell this person to stop hanging around them.

If you can't, tell the child's parents about it, or maybe the child's teachers or something. SOMEONE will say "hey maybe we should get police to patrol the areas kids hang out at the most" and possibly police will watch this person like an eagle and be able to determine if they really are a predator or they're just that strange of a person to be mistaken for one.

Offline Byakko

Really need some advice
«Reply #15: March 03, 2009, 11:22:41 AM»
That is really sad. Both my parents worked and they never had any problems raising my sister and I.

And whether it is unfortunate or fortunate... there is no one "child" being targetted. I just get a very general feeling that the person is a predator. I know it may sound vague but... there's just something about the way he interacts with people who are younger that feels so wrong. Though I might be slightly worried about one person in particular... nothing can done for him/her (Trust me, I've tried). Some people just don't listen to reason...but he/she's old enough I guess to take care of himself/herself. (I say that, but I still feel it's my responsibility...ugh).

Offline Kairi

Really need some advice
«Reply #16: March 03, 2009, 07:20:41 PM»
About the nude photo issue:

I have nude photos of me posted all over the internet by my ex-boyfriend. I'm not a bad person, nor am I instigating trouble. No girl takes images of herself in hopes that it's turned against her. It happens. People do it. Honestly it's not a parental issue, my mother was wonderful and I love her so much. It's just, hey, I like this boy and we (might) do stuff in the future! So let's show him now!!! (actually I had already been having sexual relations with my ex, so in reality my situation was slightly different- but still, oh well).

Anyway!

How exactly does this person act? And is he targeting a specific individual, or is he going around all, "hey babyy" to everyone he sees...? o_O

Offline Byakko

Really need some advice
«Reply #17: March 03, 2009, 07:37:59 PM»
TMI, Kairi. o_o T...M...I.

As for his behavior...like I said, I have to be vague here. But no, no one's running around trying to get into little kid's pants in public or anything like that.

Though on the same topic but another note... my 23-year-old friend (a real-life friend) is dating a 16-year-old girl. I'm extremely crept out by it. It's not like there aren't enough ladies his age around for him to date. Ugh.

Lovedoll

Really need some advice
«Reply #18: March 04, 2009, 02:23:35 AM»
Maybe a little late, but..

@Eevee: While the law states that they are pedophiles, I wouldn't consider them such. To me the definition of a pedophile is an adult abusing a child's lack of knowledge of sexual relations as well as abusing the child's lack of people experience. The differences between an 11 year old and a 15 year old are immense, however small the number in between may seem.

Yes, laws are in place to protect children. But as Eevee said.. pedophile will be stamped on someone's record for a long, long time - if not life - and when we're dealing with a true teenager who's going to high school dating someone in their early twenties, I wouldn't speak of pedophilia. Just bad choices on both sides. It's not a crime I consider worth ruining a guy's life for.

I always feel that everyone is giving teens too little credit. A 16 year old is not a brainless retard who needs to be coddled like a baby and protected from the big bad world; they are inches away from legally being an adult, paying bills. They can legally drive a car, get a job, etc. etc. Getting involved with an older person at that age isn't such a huge shocker. You have to gain experience from SOMEWHERE, and protecting a developing teenager from dating someone past 18 will only harm them in the future.

And truly, what it all comes down onto is parenting. A teen who's been properly warned of the consequences and is given the freedom to explore and is trusted to make the right choices will fair much better than a teen whose eyes are shielded from the big bad world only to be thrown into it a few years later, going from I CAN DO NOTHING to I CAN DO EVERYTHING. The result is really devastating.

Sooo... in short, if the child is truly a small child of 11-12 or younger, I would involve the authorities. If we're dealing with a 15-16 year old teenager, educate them rather than getting a guy in trouble who may as well have fallen for a very mature looking young woman. I've seen girls of no older than 14 who could rival a 20 year old in looks. If they act like adults too, would you really call it pedophilia? Because last time I checked, pedophile means an adult attracted to children, not someone who looks like a young adult.  :roll: I think a lot of people forget that. (Not to mention there are tons of mature looking teenage girls who lie about their age - it wouldn't be fair to get the guy in trouble for something she did wrong, which sadly happens all too often).

However, that's just my opinion on it. A little case-by-case evaluation goes a long way I suppose.

Offline Narnia

Really need some advice
«Reply #19: March 04, 2009, 07:52:47 AM»
FYI,

Quote
The APA's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 4th edition, Text Revision gives the following as its "Diagnostic criteria for 302.2 Pedophilia":

A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child or children (generally age 13 years or younger);
B. The person has acted on these sexual urges, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty;
C. The person is at least age 16 years and at least 5 years older than the child or children in Criterion A.


In Eevee's situation they would be sexual oriented offenders. Not pedophiles.
"The views expressed in this message are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the Furcadia Alt Market, Dragon's Eye Production, or Furcadia."

Offline Blot

Really need some advice
«Reply #20: March 04, 2009, 03:49:40 PM»
Ugh.
I'm expecting my first child in August, and I can't imagine not caring.
I'm already freaking out over keeping them safe from predators and what not.
When I was little, around 7 or so, I was 'raped', I put it in quotations because it was oral rape, rather than any form of penetration, so I'm not sure what that would be considered. The person did get away because my own parents didn't believe me. It really scares me that parents are not as watchful as they were. They are always to busy. This is why instead of doing the whole college and part time job things that every one around me wants em to do, the husband and I are sticking to me being a stay at home mom, so I have plenty of time to make sure that our little jellybeans are safe.

Then again, My husband is 21, and I'm 19, and when I was in highschool, people had major issues with us dating despite him being only 2 years and 15 days, exactly, older than I am.

Offline Byakko

Really need some advice
«Reply #21: March 04, 2009, 04:49:31 PM»
Two years isn't much ... o0 I think if one person is a minor, the older person has to be within 4 years of age... so that isn't so bad.

Good luck with your "jellybeans" xD;

Offline Blot

Really need some advice
«Reply #22: March 04, 2009, 05:17:12 PM»
I think it's mostly the fact that I don't look 19.
I look kind of like a racked out 14-15 year old :/ I got those 'Barely ages' genes, coupled with being sort of short and really slender.

And thank you ^.^ I can't wait <3

Offline Julie

Really need some advice
«Reply #23: March 06, 2009, 03:08:52 PM»
sometimes your instinct, intuition, gut feeling, whatever you'd like to call it, is something that you shouldnt question. i would contact authorites as soon as you could and (since we are blessed with logs) present some of these questionable actions/conversations

 

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