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Author Topic: Favoritism  (Read 1641 times)

Offline Altria

Favoritism
«: November 30, 2008, 03:43:17 AM»
I had something happen yesterday, and it got me thinking. Have any of you guys ever dealt with favoritism in your own family? My dad and his girlfriend are notorious for making me feel like shit, and I don't think it's acceptable nor okay; no one should have to feel like they are less than someone else, especially not from a parent.

Yesterday, my dad had a family gathering/birthday party for my cousin's 20th birthday, and he also gave her a check for $150. In the past three years, all I've gotten from my dad and his girlfriend was an empty card and no party. When I turned 18, I was failing two classes, and so I can understand why they didn't get me anything, but what irritated me most is that my dad said in an extremely rude manner, "Oh we didn't get you anything because you don't deserve it." Yeah, I already know that, thanks for rubbing it in and being a total fucking ass about it.

So then, what was their excuse when I turned 17, and when I turned 19 back in September? Now, I love my cousin, but I can't help but see the blatant favoritism going on. My dad has always been cheap but I never thought he'd do this.

I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting, but it really hurts. I don't expect to be showered in gifts, but I do expect to be made to feel like I matter just a little. Has anyone else ever gone through this? Any advice, too? Right now I just want to totally ignore THEIR birthdays from now on and tell them to go fucking adopt my cousin if she's so awesome.
contact: altria, meiko


Black Rain

Favoritism
«Reply #1: November 30, 2008, 08:05:32 AM»
Thats what I would do.
If they ignore your birthdays, well, ignore thiers. And tell them what comes around, goes around.

Anyone who does not give you a present for your birthday regardless if they are family or not, does not deserve one in return. Unless they have a proper excuse as to why they did not give you a present.

Offline ali

Favoritism
«Reply #2: November 30, 2008, 01:53:11 PM»
sigh. my girlfriend goes through alot of 'favoritism' because her sister has three fucking kids that get everything when she was there before them all. she probably won't have a very merry christmas this year, so i'm going to try to make it the best ever however i can.

i can't imagine a birthday not getting any gifts... u__u

no, i have not ever experienced favoritism on myself. i'm really glad i haven't, but, i think there is SOME going on in the family just because alot of my family, both mom and dad's side, are bad eggs and i get blamed because i'm the goody-two shoes, so i get more than them. @___@;;

it must really suck, and i can't say much but agree with black rain. although, it's probably harder than it sounds. :<

Offline Jearu

Favoritism
«Reply #3: November 30, 2008, 02:27:42 PM»
I often joke around that I'm so-and-so's favorite since I'm the "goody-two-shoes" of the family but it's never fact.

It's incredibly obvious that I'm my Pop-pop's (Mom's stepdad) favorite. Everytime I see him is always "Hey, (random petname)! *gives gift*" but when it's my brother he's not treated the same. I'm not quite sure why it is, though. AND my brother is friends with my BFF's younger brother and their mom (I call her Mommy Part Deux), I wouldn't say play favorites, but definitely shows more liking towards me. She's always spoiled me but then again, most people do spoil me.. except my parents. My brother gets everything he wants from them but I don't take it personally, I just assume it's because he's the younger sibling and the "baby" gets everything.

I cannot stand favoritism. I've seen it happen in my cousin's life and it ended not so well. "My parents don't love me the same so I'm going to go off and ruin my life, that'll show them!". Having you cousin be the favorite must hurt a lot.. I mean, they should at least favor the right way, like a brother or sister. She's not even their child.

I don't mind if I don't get presents on my birthday or a party, or whatever. I much prefer not having a party and all that jazz. My birthday is on Dec. 29th so it's often forgotten anyway.. what hurts is when someone doesn't say "Happy Birthday!" or the like.
Wanting life owl, woolie, rabben, and classics.

Offline Altria

Favoritism
«Reply #4: November 30, 2008, 05:33:48 PM»
Thanks for all the responses guys, its good to know that some people know where I'm coming from.

And yeah, I agree with you Jearu. I would prefer a small gift or a quiet gathering for a birthday, but the fact that they didn't even offer the basics kind of hurts. I like just going out to dinner, really, though I could really use some money for a car. I was hoping to get some for my birthday from at least someone..But nope. I don't blame my mom. She barely keeps herself out of foreclosure, but my dad is rolling in money.
contact: altria, meiko

hymn

Favoritism
«Reply #5: December 05, 2008, 04:39:49 PM»
ive never really had any problems like that from family, but i sure have from friends. its not as bad since friends arent really family, but if theyre close to you, it all hurts.

your dad and his girlfriend sound like jerks. so next time a birthday or present-presenting event rolls around, show up empty-handed (or just dont show up at all). itll make more of a statement than actually making a statement, and youve probably got better things to do than waste time on people who dont deserve it.

Offline Julie

Favoritism
«Reply #6: December 07, 2008, 01:23:40 AM»
my grandparents and shit give my brother 10x more money for his birthday

my 16th? 25 bucks

his? 150 bucks

too bad he spent that all on pot and bowls.

my parents tried making me feel better by saying "its just that they're tight on money n its a bad economy", or "he's a boy", but they're filthy rich and have, on many occasions, expressed their preference towards my brother (AND my ((female)) cousin).

went to spend the week at their house. he got the guest bed, and i got the old lumpy couch. he got homemade pancakes and they just 'happened' to run out of the batter, leaving me with twig cereal. he got the chicken leg, i got the wing. he's cold? aww give him blankets. i'm cold? here cuddle with missy. too bad missy loves to tear up everything she can get between her teeth and lay on people (she's half wolf, weighs a ton, and has an odd obsession with licking faces)

grandpa took paul out for a behind-the-scenes pass at the u.s. space & rocket museum in alabama. grandma taught me how to use a glue gun. paul got souvineers when i got a shitty-looking 'wreath' that would look better if shit was smeared on it

my other grandma really isn't that rich, but she can still afford 50 bucks for a 16th birthday (and we both got the same amount from her for our 16th birthdays), and she at least tries to treat us equally


i can definately tell my parents treat my brother ***much*** differently. at 14, he had a cellphone, could do whatever he wanted, hell he even started smoking cigs and pot and they didn't care. i'm 16 and they have to know a detailed plan of my day before they even let me out the door.

i do all the house cleaning (2 bathrooms, 9 floors, 3 rooms to dust)--only half of those were my original chores. my brother would do the other half. until about two months ago, my parents gave me ALL the indoor chores (see above) and all paul does is mow the lawn (which he doesnt even do) and take out the garbage (and frequently forgets). we both get paid the same allowance--oh, and he has a job, which means he gets more money. he doesn't get deductions when he forgets to do his chores, but if i don't do something right, i don't get allowance at all.

my parents SUDDENLY decide my room is messy and take away my cellphone and allowance until i get it cleaned. it's almost done now but it has been extremely difficult getting in contact with friends. paul's room is messy? oh well, he's a boy and boys are messy.

i crack this up to be more than it really is, but it does tick me off that he gets more privelages because "he's a boy" or "he's older" when they know fully well i'm more mature than he'll ever be. he had more privelages when he was 10 than i do now at 16.

and they wonder why i want to move out..

Offline Jearu

Favoritism
«Reply #7: December 07, 2008, 02:17:11 AM»
Quote from: "Lord"
i can definately tell my parents treat my brother ***much*** differently. at 14, he had a cellphone, could do whatever he wanted, hell he even started smoking cigs and pot and they didn't care. i'm 16 and they have to know a detailed plan of my day before they even let me out the door.

i do all the house cleaning (2 bathrooms, 9 floors, 3 rooms to dust)--only half of those were my original chores. my brother would do the other half. until about two months ago, my parents gave me ALL the indoor chores (see above) and all paul does is mow the lawn (which he doesnt even do) and take out the garbage (and frequently forgets). we both get paid the same allowance--oh, and he has a job, which means he gets more money. he doesn't get deductions when he forgets to do his chores, but if i don't do something right, i don't get allowance at all.

my parents SUDDENLY decide my room is messy and take away my cellphone and allowance until i get it cleaned. it's almost done now but it has been extremely difficult getting in contact with friends. paul's room is messy? oh well, he's a boy and boys are messy.
When I was your age I got the same thing.. even though my brother is three years YOUNGER than me. He could just walk out the door without saying where he'll be but if I left, I would have to tell who I'd be with, where I'd be and how long I'd be gone. Once I turned 18 it stopped, I'd just have to have my cellphone with me and know what I might end up doing.

I have all the inside chores aswell and my brother has all the outside ones and garbage/recycle duty. He just so happens to forget about doing them or gives excuses for how he can't do them. Like, mowing the lawn.. he should do it in the morning when it's still cool (we live southern georgia, 85-95ish in the summer with 75%+ humidity) he puts it off until it's too dark to mow, then mom gets pissed off and does it for him.. and he still gets paid. I'll be 20 at the end of the month so getting/not getting allowance isn't a big deal but if I'm actually doing what's asked of me and he's not, it's certainly not fair. And of course if I don't do the chores I don't get paid.

My brother's room is a complete pigsty. Clothes, dishes, and trash everywhere. He gets a slap on the wrist. I have a few articles of clothing and books on my floor, and it's a bit dusty. OHMYGOD, THE WORLD WILL END IF I DO NOT DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Also, all the money my brother gets is immediately spent on pot.
Wanting life owl, woolie, rabben, and classics.

Offline Julie

Favoritism
«Reply #8: December 07, 2008, 02:33:47 AM»
SIGH

oh and this is the best part

instead of him putting the bongs away and moving in to an appartment to help his gf pay for rent, SHE moves HERE and pays... 50 bucks a month? for all the extra groceries and water, electric, etc bills. both of them could be on their feet but instead he invites her to lay roost here. if he gets her preg i would laugh if he tried getting my parents to pay for all the extra shit.

so not only is he being irresponsible with how much he spends on the 'schtuff', he's bring another mouth into the house. and the 'rents dont care. the only good part is that his girlfriend is cool and she actually understands where i come from when i complain about paul (she's a younger child too, and experienced a lot of unfairness)

but hey... i'll be moved out by the time i'm able to. going to england with my friend lisa after i graduate. she's saving and as soon as i get a job i'll be saving a bit from that too. if only my bro could do that :roll: god knows he gets paid enough to live with his gf in an appartment. and just for kicks, i hope a police officer lives right next to him.

Offline Schwarz

Favoritism
«Reply #9: December 07, 2008, 09:53:00 AM»
Last year for Christmas my dad said work had been really tight, so he didn't have any money to get my siblings & I anything. We knew things were rough, so it was fine.

Then he admitted after the holidays that the only reason he didn't have money for our Christmas was because he used it to get stuff for his ex-girlfriend & her kids. The ex-girlfriend who had cheated on him & told him she never wanted to see him again.

GJ.

Offline Creek

Favoritism
«Reply #10: December 07, 2008, 05:04:21 PM»
In my house. I have to do ALL the chores besides laundry. On weekends when we have the step kids, i'm forbidden to have friends over, yet they can have their friends over. When it comes to times for leaving, like to walmart or to the store, or some event, i'm completely forgotten about. Its like i dont fucking exist except to pick up and clean after everyone. If i do all my chores, and my brother doesnt do the very few he gets, i get screamed at for it. I get screamed at for having things on my floor, when my room is the size of a god damn closet, while the kids ALWAYS have a messy room and dont get screamed at.

Theyre over here for the weekends only, and get babied to death because omg we dont have them. They dont do chores, instead they sit around and do absolutely fucking nothing. [sorry if i sound aggressive, i'm irritated beyond belief at them, because they almost broke the fucking Wii, and theyre screaming at the top of their lungs]

They get everything their little hearts desire, even high priced shit, while if i ask for something low priced [ like 10$] i get a big fat NO in my face. My older brother is more appreciated because he's graduated and has a job. The younger ones are more appreciated because omg they have to be babied because theyre barely here. I'm forgotten in the god damn dust, and would be left for fucking dead if we ever moved.

Favoritism sucks. It really does.
I NO LONGER LOG ONTO FURCADIA

Bam

Favoritism
«Reply #11: December 08, 2008, 01:17:12 AM»
my parents have always been harder on me (they admit this all the time).
not through any gender issues, but because i'm the oldest and the first usually has it the worst for a few reasons.

now that two of my other brothers (one being 2 years behind me, and the other 3 years behind me) have graduated and moved out, and only one is left in the house (who is 12 now), they're really relaxed and all that.
i guess because i was the first, they felt the need to really push down on me. i've never had anything just handed to me. as soon as i was able to legally work, i did.
i have bought all three of my cars all by myself with absolutely no help. if i needed a ride before that, i'd either pay for it, take the bus or bike/hike it.
i joined the military immediately after high school and lived on my own then from the age of 18, paid for everything for myself, my GF, son, and two cats. and now the military is paying for my college and current healthcare.

i was doing the laundry and nearly all the cleaning in and out of the house by the time i was in 5th grade (bathrooms, bedrooms, computer/tv rooms, the pool, etc.) now, i did have more responsibility than my little brother that's two years below me, but then again, he was only in 3rd grade at the time and had a lot of chores for his age, too.
but allowance? fucking forget that. by the time the 'rents gave us allowance i was already working in the real world to earn my keep.

the other reason was, when i was born and raised, there was a lot of financial insecurity (latch-key kid deal, hence all the chores) and a lot more roughness and hope riding on me from a young age, but to be honest, i'm actually grateful for it. it helped a lot when i went into the military and all that to know i couldn't always get what i wanted. period. and to also know and understand what responsibility was. out of the 60+ people that went into that squadron, i was one of the 23 that made it out basic and into the official military on my first try. (most get 'recycled' or kicked out entirely for physical/health/emotional/behavioral issues)

i almost feel because my parents baby my youngest brother that he's going to turn out to be... well a big baby.
he already is headed in that direction by always downing on himself, claiming he's too dumb to do shit, and being lazy as hell with what little chores he DOES have.
he gets daily help with his homework, where he tends to just rush through it and then expect everyone to give him the answers. my mom even commented to me about this and reminded me that, back when i was younger, i did it all with no help at all. it was either do it, or flunk, and i've never failed a grade or been held back.

i'm not jealous, to be honest. I actually kinda feel sorry for him. i wish he'd grow a backbone and get a little more pride in himself. a little more sense of worth and a little more responsibility. i feel like an old man when i say 'back in my day', but really, this 12-yr-old kid has honestly asked me how to cook a bowl of top ramen before.

seriously.
seriously.


tl;dr yea i know i had it rougher than the younger kids, but it only got easier as life went along because my parents became more financially and mentally stable (or rather expectant) and able to give all the kids what most would deem a 'good' life, though it looks like more of a detriment than a positive thing, imho.

Offline Dio

Favoritism
«Reply #12: December 08, 2008, 06:25:38 AM»
I started washing dishes/scrubbing tubs/other general housework from 4th grade or so. There were never any arguments over chores or allowances... you cleaned up your mess and helped out with the house or you got the fuck out. It blew my mind when I went to private school and met all these pussies who had servants (i mean housekeepers) and never learned how to make a meal or even clean a room.

What's worse is that these kids always complained about having to help  out in the house without allowance, complained about a sibling being treated with more respect (usually the sibling worked harder and earned it) and complained about not getting the best presents/money handouts from their family!

I never got a present on my bday or christmas from my mom or dad. Sometimes I'll get a few bucks in a card at a point near the occasion and I DON'T COMPLAIN. I take it, express my gratitude, thank them and give both a big hug. My big sis has no kids and when I was younger she used to get me a little gift here and there if she had some extra cash and I was always grateful.

I feel that kids in this country are some real spoiled motherfuckers who expect mom and dad to just shit endless bricks of presents and money at them. I see so many frantic parents at work trying to please an adolescent daughter or son who can't even treat them with respect in the store but knows how to say "i want, i want, i want".

Favoritism is a ton of shit. If someone isn't giving you want you want then suck it up and go get it for yourself. My folks taught me to never expect handouts from anyone and to work hard for what I want. They also taught me that if I ever ever ever disrespect them I will be sent packing because they didn't bust their asses to raise an ungrateful bitch who just griped about not getting things handed to her on a silver platter rofl.
FA - Link

Offline Hyorin

Favoritism
«Reply #13: December 08, 2008, 04:48:23 PM»
Dio, you just managed to say everything I feel perfectly! :(

But just for my two cents.
My parents immigrated here from a third-world country. They didn't even know English when they arrived. My mom worked as a maid, my dad worked scrubbing toilets. We had nothing.

Right now, we are living in a beautiful, enormous house, paid entirely by themselves. We're not in debt in the slightest. We take skiing trips or vacations to Cuba once a year.

If there's one thing my parents taught me, it's that if I want to get anywhere I want, I have to work for it. I am the older sibling (my sister is 6). My childhood wasn't ideal - my parents were hardly ever at home because of their jobs, all my clothes and toys were second-hand, etc. However I feel now that this has had a completely positive effect on my upbringing. My sister, however, was born later, when my parents were more financially stable. I spent my childhood in a tiny two-room apartment; my sister has spent hers in our current estate. Of course she has it easier; my mother is home more often to play with her, and every Christmas, the presents she gets don't smell like old people or have lice. My parents coddle her more, treat her out more, etc. Sometimes when guests come, they bring her a little candy bar, or a teddy bear, and I see her taking it for granted.

I don't feel jealous in the slightest. Of course, when she was first born, yeah I felt a little pissed, of course I did. I was a kid, it was natural. Yes, my parents do favour her, but that doesn't mean they don't like me. I am the older child, therefore I am expected to behave like one.

Seriously, you have nothing to complain about. If your parents refuse to buy you something, buy it yourself. Why should they let their teenage children leech money from them, when any child above 10 is capable of earning cash one way or another? (I sold crafts and did chores for neighbours.) Use your brain, it's completely possible. Don't want to do the chores? Move out. Pissed that you didn't get more than $50's worth of presents this birthday/Christmas?! I have no pity for you. It's depressing to see how seriously people take these things (believe me, value of gifts is NOT the only way to measure someone's love for you).

Just because you received 10 dollars less on your gift card!!!!!!! this year than your brother/sister doesn't mean everyone else is gonna feel the need to shit their pants for you. Some people in this world are going to like you and some won't. Ideally we'd all like to be showered by presents and feel more loved than the next one, but that's not how it works out. But maybe your family is doing something good for you, trying to wean you off and teach you to be self-supportive. If your parents don't provide as much as you'd wish, be thankful. You have the advantage.

Offline Sin

Favoritism
«Reply #14: December 16, 2008, 10:56:27 PM»
When I got busted for smoking cannabis my mother kicked me out of the house for a while. When my step-sister got caught smoking cannabis, she lost her phone and TV for a week.

Total favoritism. It's bullshit -- but hey -- i could have been put in jail for 5 days ;]
.insane.

Offline Blot

Favoritism
«Reply #15: December 16, 2008, 11:29:15 PM»
Aww. I know how you feel. My parents had extreme favoratism to my 3 little sisters, ot the extreme that I won't even go into on here.

Unfortunately, there's not really much you can do except maybe bring it up.

Mollie

Favoritism
«Reply #16: December 28, 2008, 08:07:50 AM»
Hm. All my life, I've been alone with my parents, however, my dad does pick his favs. I have three sisters, none of them lived with me, at least not for long, because my parents split when I was 8 and my sis was 1 and a half.
Shes 15 now, and still gets fav'd by my dad. He buys her presents for christmas, AND THEN additionally takes her out shopping to EXPENSIVE clothing stores, not just run of the mill clothing stores. Brand name clothes ect, and he doesnt have the money normally to do that. I don't personally like brand name stuff 90% of the time. But I do find it kind of odd, that I rarely got much for my birthday the past FEW years, in terms of money/presents. He treats me differently as well. If alicia (my 15 yr old sis) were to ask for something, he'd say yes, or if he wasnt sure if it were possible, he'd make a way. If I were to simply ask for something, usually it's sorry I cant, and if I say, ah well that sucks, he'll say " Yep it does" or something.
 So; yes. I know what you mean.

Mollie

Favoritism
«Reply #17: December 28, 2008, 08:09:15 AM»
Quote from: "Keiichi"
sigh. my girlfriend goes through alot of 'favoritism' because her sister has three fucking kids that get everything when she was there before them all. she probably won't have a very merry christmas this year, so i'm going to try to make it the best ever however i can.

i can't imagine a birthday not getting any gifts... u__u

no, i have not ever experienced favoritism on myself. i'm really glad i haven't, but, i think there is SOME going on in the family just because alot of my family, both mom and dad's side, are bad eggs and i get blamed because i'm the goody-two shoes, so i get more than them. @___@;;

it must really suck, and i can't say much but agree with black rain. although, it's probably harder than it sounds. :<

That sucks, But technically kids come before adults/teens. It's just.. the way it is. I have two kids, and I know how it feels.