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Author Topic: Should we feel bad?  (Read 3504 times)

Yasutora

  • Topic Author
Should we feel bad?
«: July 26, 2008, 03:09:12 AM»
Often when trying to discuss a serious topic with other people, theres always that one person who seems to feel as though they are personally being attacked. Perhaps you were telling your friends an STD joke. Having nothing to do with a specific STD. And someone feels the need to bring up the fact that their father died of aids, which led to the forclosure on their house and their mother's attempt to provide for their family which ultimately only lead to her drinking habits. Personally I feel people need to stop bringing up depressing stories. I feel its simply an attempt for people to feel bad for joking about something, or speaking about a touchy subject.

I mean perhaps it does bring back sad thoughts, though its no reason to attempt to make someone feel bad for your own life problems. Any joke could have relevance to someone's past, though it doesn't give them the right to feel the need to blame others for a harmless joke.

I can understand if someone had been claiming to have a life threataning illness in attempts of gaining something from it. Or if they had been personally attacking your relatives. But a simple joke isn't meant to have relevance to your history, its meant to be laughed at, not leaving the teller feeling sad.

Atleast those are my views on it.

What're your views on this? Should a person feel bad for telling a harmless joke with no previous knowledge of your history? Should people stop feeling like they're personally being attacked by a harmless joke/discussion of a subject?

Post Away with your thoughts :o


Vince

  • Topic Author
Should we feel bad?
«Reply #1: July 26, 2008, 03:20:15 AM»
you shouldn't feel bad for a person standing up for what he or she believes in, even if they're alone or not.

and as for the STD joke example, why the hell should you care? yeah sure it's kind of sad... but... it's not cancer or anything. but i'm not trying to be specific.

if someone's father gets offended by her father dying of cancer, i don't think she should get offended, IMO, because the past is past. sure her dad's dead, that's sad, but, why should you have to censor yourself for a specific person but he/she might get offended?

it's a joke if you're offended by a joke then you need to get that stick outta your ass. jokes are meant to lighten the mood, not for someone to get all uptight about it.





and i'm obligated to say this:

WHY SO SERIOUS?

Offline Skull

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #2: July 26, 2008, 03:31:10 AM»
Quote from: "Klaus"

WHY SO SERIOUS?

you won the internet.

also... look at my name.  people get offended by it all the time but I just laugh.  Is that bad?  probably, but I honestly don't care.  Suck it up and deal.

Offline Militant

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #3: July 26, 2008, 06:07:12 AM»
I think it's probably just people lookin for attention. They just wanna start e-drama. Most people got a few messy things in their past that affected their life, but the only reason you'd tell random people on the internet is if you were seeking attention or pity... especially if you were gettin offended by a simple joke. I feel bad for them in the sense that they feel the need to do that... but I'm not sure why if something personal was botherin them like that they wouldn't just talk to their friends...
"Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more, you should never wish to do less." -Robert E. Lee

Offline ADALEINE

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #4: July 26, 2008, 09:49:22 AM»
that kind of stuff... man. i walked into a dream the other day and two people were talking about.. fuck i think being abused or sexually molested or some stupid shit. RIGHT at the entrance of an AI dream. and my first thought was 'fucking take it to whispers' because

1. i dont want to hear about how you were abused as a kid. its like everyone and their mom on the internet is anyway, shut the fuck up.
2. if youre only talking to ONE OTHER PERSON then take that shit into private. not only do i not want to hear ONE person having a bahfest, i certainly dont want to hear TWO PEOPLE one-upping the other.

"my stepdad hit me upside the head and i got a nose bleed!!"
"OH YEAH? MY STEP DAD HIT ME UPSIDE THE HEAD AND I WAS IN A COMA!!"

ive noticed that most people who were 'molested/abused', despite being ~traumatized~ by it, have characters that rape/beat/kill other characters. which is why i dont sympathize with them.

maybe im not even on topic idk but i have ALSO NOTICED that some people use it as an excuse for their poor behavior.

p.s. internets does not equal therapy

Offline Ashleigh

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #5: July 26, 2008, 10:38:56 AM»
no, you shouldn't feel bad.

i can't stand people who feel the need to jump into a conversation like you mentioned with something along the lines of
"my mom died/is dying of cancer, don't say that stuff!"
"my cousin has AIDS, how can you be so cruel!"
"i feel the need to mention i was raped when i was 5..."
or proceed to throw a fit because you're such a horrible, uncaring being.

what you're talking about isn't their damn business. but i admit i DO end up feeling bad sometimes and move the conversation to IM or whispers. probably because i'm a sympathic person and also know what it's like having a relative with cancer.

but, hey, guess what? even though i do know that feeling, i don't have bitch fits and still joke around about it. all the time.

in the end, no one's going to stop telling the jokes. they need to deal with it or go somewhere else. instead of telling people to shut the fuck up and/or leave, why not do it themselves?

Digital Love

  • Topic Author
Should we feel bad?
«Reply #6: July 26, 2008, 11:01:27 AM»
I think a bit of respect would be nice sometimes. I for one don't like the mention of rape. I'm not comfortable with the subject and I'd prefer people don't talk about it. There are two things you can do;

1. You go find some place else where there are no such conversations.
2. You can ask politely "I'm really not comfortable with the subject, can you take it to whispers?"

Out in public areas it's probably better to find a different spot, but if someone asks you politely to take it to whispers I don't think you should brush it off. It's a different story when people start to hang on their personal experiences and elaborate them in detail - that's just attention seeking. But a simple request is a whole different thing and shouldn't be brushed under the carpet because the person needs to grow a thicker skin according to someone.

STD's, cancer, rape/molestation and death can be heavy burdens on people. Just because it happens doesn't mean you can talk lightly about it in front of others. If people talk about scat or watersports there's a high chance you'd probably ask them to take it to private as well. Most people are easily disgusted by it. The same goes for all the other subjects mentioned above.

You should feel bad if the person is polite and nice about it and you drill them back into the ground for it. You shouldn't feel bad if it's another emo kid telling you how much their life sucks and it's mean of you to talk about it.

I laugh about gay/rape jokes in stand-up comedy too. Dropping the soap in the men's shower type of stuff. It's hilarious. But you always need to remember not everyone has your type of humor, so taking other people into consideration is definitely something that will be repaid in the future.

Yasutora

  • Topic Author
Should we feel bad?
«Reply #7: July 26, 2008, 03:17:11 PM»
Thats a good point. I'd rather someone tell me the didn't feel comfortable about hearing a certain subject than them telling me how they were molested by their grandfather as a child.

Simply telling someone they didn't feel comfortable about a certain subject is enough to let the other person know thats there may have been something that happened to this person in the past.

The sad thing though is people need to learn that they have to contain themselves from lashing out at others for every joke/story. The thing I hate most is that because people feel the need to elaborate on their history, what seemed to be a funny conversation at first, turns into an awkward moment where everyone goes quiet.

Digital Love

  • Topic Author
Should we feel bad?
«Reply #8: July 26, 2008, 03:44:59 PM»
Yup, taking things with a grain of salt makes life easier.

It's just a cry for attention when people tell sob stories about it, but then again I also know that when people ask "Why?" you're inevitably asking for trouble. So sometimes it's a two-sided deal. If you heed a polite request after everyone had their shits and giggles no problemo. If you brush against a polite request with an attitude you're asking for trouble.

Offline Julie

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #9: July 26, 2008, 03:47:05 PM»
if they go "hey my mom died of cancer!!" or "i was abused as a little girl by my brother/mother/dad/wtfever shut up!!!" and going into LONG DETAILED STORIES about their pathetic lives, then no, you shouldnt feel bad. theyre grabbing for !!!attention!!!.

if they ask you politely to stop talking about STD's, or something else, in a way such as: "could you stop talking about <blank> please? it is a touchy subject for me", then yes, of course i will respect their wishes.

but just because someone makes a cancer joke i wont hop on them about this person and that person and another one here and there in my family that's had it and died and tell them to STFU JESUS CHRIST OMG NO RESPECT, NO RESPECT about it.

you have to look at it this way: if someone was saying something you didnt want to hear about, something that offended you or punched a soft spot, you wouldnt want to hear about it right? same way around.

sure theres the 'ignore' command but i personally cant always use it since i'm staff at a very busy dream, and i cant ignore someone that could later possibly wreak havoc. and even with that aside, i do occasionally enjoy talking to someone that i havent spoken to yet, and putting them on ignore wont help me do that

Digital Love

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Should we feel bad?
«Reply #10: July 26, 2008, 04:17:12 PM»
If it was such a horribly painful situation, they would feel too ashamed to explain in detail what happened.

Someone who REALLY went through that shit would go really quiet, sit back or even log off. The last thing a traumatized victim does is talk elaborately about it.

Offline Glory

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #11: July 26, 2008, 05:09:23 PM»
Personally I am one of those people who may be quiet and not mention it to you, but I'd prefer if your going to be joking about a touchy subject or being plain out racist/discrimitive, please do it in your whispers or a dream that has the appropriate rating so I/we can avoid it.

People sometimes bring up the story because it helps them vent/heal and it means most-likely they trust you to listen. If you believe its for attention or have better things to do (like I and probably everyone else) just tell them to politely stop or tell them you can't really listen at the moment. Its probably a better idea to do that even if its for attention, as you never know how recently it happened or if its fake or not. Chewing out a person is rude anyhow if its a first time encounter with them, and you'll probably feel better overall if you don't go straight to saying 'stfu' and getting into a internet fight with them possibly.

People sometimes also include the reason why they want you to stop because its more common then you think for someone to ask in reply "Why should I stop talking about ____?". It saves them having to post an entirely new one to describe why they wish for you to stop.

My family has died of a lot of the things mentioned really, but I don't run around rampantly announcing it though or really tell people to stop. Its life and once you heal enough or mature you don't bring it up at every bend.

Not saying attention hogs don't exist, just putting in a word for the sake of discussion from the other side.
I don't use this website much.

Offline ADALEINE

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #12: July 26, 2008, 11:32:45 PM»
i dont mind if someone tells me /privately/ that they were molested. what gets under my skin is going somewhere where there are tons of people (kids, even) and some attention whoring little brat is blabbing about how fifteen years ago her uncle touched her shoulder and she thought it was rape

bitch people have real problems

Offline SULLY

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #13: July 27, 2008, 06:49:48 PM»
wow i think everyone should just not talk about stuff they don't know anything about

Black Rain

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Should we feel bad?
«Reply #14: July 27, 2008, 08:46:39 PM»
You should of just said. This is an AB conversation so C yourself out of it.
In otherwords, This is my conversation so please keep the hell out of it.

Offline Sapphirus

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #15: July 31, 2008, 02:44:41 PM»
Taking the internet seriously period is bad. It's better to shrug off the subject that's offending you. Either  ask nicely for them to take it to whispers, or wander to another dream if they refuse; added with drama.

Touchy conversations are better kept in whispers because there's many people on the net that will/might use it against you to troll or harrass you with.

To the point; it's not your fault if the person feels bad about the topic your discussing with others, so you SHOULDN'T feel guilt at all.
IGNIS! COMING UP WITH YOUR DAILY RECIPEHS!
Furcadia contacts: Sapphirus/Ignis Scientia/Chuck Norris


Offline Hugo

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #16: July 31, 2008, 04:30:38 PM»
Those people are called 'downers'. They use any excuse they can to draw pity even when a joke clearly is not aimed at them or about them in any way.

Drama queens.

No, don't feel bad for them. They're being offensive to whatever situation they bring up just because of the context they use it in. Like the event was something to be proud of. Disgusting.

_________________

Offline Sapphirus

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #17: July 31, 2008, 04:47:57 PM»
Quote from: "Hugo"
Those people are called 'downers'. They use any excuse they can to draw pity even when a joke clearly is not aimed at them or about them in any way.

Drama queens.

No, don't feel bad for them. They're being offensive to whatever situation they bring up just because of the context they use it in. Like the event was something to be proud of. Disgusting.


I second this.
IGNIS! COMING UP WITH YOUR DAILY RECIPEHS!
Furcadia contacts: Sapphirus/Ignis Scientia/Chuck Norris


Digital Love

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Should we feel bad?
«Reply #18: July 31, 2008, 05:00:32 PM»
Quote from: "Hugo"
No, don't feel bad for them. They're being offensive to whatever situation they bring up just because of the context they use it in. Like the event was something to be proud of. Disgusting.


It's almost bad enough that I wish it actually does happen to them... just so they know how retarded and bad it is to 'pretend' and over-exaggerate shit like it.

Speaking of, I'm also iffed by people who take offense against words like 'retarded' or 'gay'... for whatever reason that is. Family members, themselves. Making a fuss over people using retarded to describe a stupid something, or calling something gay.

I know that people have a retarded family member or friends they like, but it's not like every time I say 'retard(ed)' I think of insulting a handicapped person. Just like how "Oh my god" has nothing to do with god, it's just an expression. Or "God damned!" and so forth.

It's a bit irritating to have someone freak out in your face about it, assuming you're careless and stuff. I don't mean anything by it directly related to the word, it's more a figure of speech than anything.

Offline lolo

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #19: July 31, 2008, 05:01:15 PM»
Quote from: "friday"
wow i think everyone should just not talk about stuff they don't know anything about

Offline Hugo

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #20: July 31, 2008, 08:34:35 PM»
Oh I know what you mean. I know someone who gets angry when I use the word jewish in place of the word cheap.

It's part of vocabulary where I live so I don't feel bad about it at all. Same goes for gay and retarded. My mother's a social worker and she uses the word retard to describe stupid things all the time.

People also do this with the race issue. They wake up every day and assume someone will be racist to them so they analyze every single thing you say and do trying to find a racial motivation behind it.

Some people are just looking for a fight I think.

_________________

Offline lolo

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #21: July 31, 2008, 08:43:58 PM»
Quote from: "Hugo"
Oh I know what you mean. I know someone who gets angry when I use the word jewish in place of the word cheap.

It's part of vocabulary where I live so I don't feel bad about it at all.


jesus christ.

alright, well, that's sort of the same mentality of someone in rural arkansas using the word "black" in place of the word thief.
it's just part of the vocabulary where they live, right?

Offline e

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #22: July 31, 2008, 08:51:54 PM»
please stop niggering around like this, goldie

SORRY THAT IS JUST THE VOCABULARY OF RURAL SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

Offline Hugo

Should we feel bad?
«Reply #23: July 31, 2008, 10:07:46 PM»
Quote from: "goldie"
Quote from: "Hugo"
Oh I know what you mean. I know someone who gets angry when I use the word jewish in place of the word cheap.

It's part of vocabulary where I live so I don't feel bad about it at all.


jesus christ.
omg @ u takin' the holy dude's name in vain ur so offensive.

I dunno. I just can't handle how politically correct the world has become. I respect everyone by default until they prove they don't deserve it, but that doesn't mean I walk on eggshells either.

The same person I was referring to with the jewish thing wouldn't even give christmas gifts to her black friends in bags because the angels on the bags were white. I mean.. What, who complains about a BAG?

_________________

Digital Love

  • Topic Author
Should we feel bad?
«Reply #24: August 01, 2008, 12:09:06 AM»
... So... what? Black people aren't black?

Last time I checked their skin color differs from me, a Caucasian woman.

It's a fact. Not an insult. If you really think calling someone by what they really are is an insult then you need to get a reality check. Black is black. Asian is asian. White is white. Latino is Latino. There are anatomical differences that just define their race, nothing more. Skin color is one of the many features.